well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
