So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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