3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
tell me about the fingering
Randomize