my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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