I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Terrible idea I love it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
