how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My dick has a subreddit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
