are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
