He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
