She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
