I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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