Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
