I wish I could punch you in the face.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
