I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
its not stalking. its research.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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