I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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