Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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