my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize