There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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