I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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