Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
