She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
