Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
