dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
