So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
