my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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