Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
