Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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