So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
