and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Bring me that man meat
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize