what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
