i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
babies were throwing up all over the place
No stitches, just platelets and will power
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize