the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
