i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
