It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
