His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
