that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
