Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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