Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
