I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
