Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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