I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
