By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
