I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
