my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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