my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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