He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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