That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
