you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
