Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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