My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
my liver is dry heaving
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
