Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
