Swine flu. Run for my life!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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