This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize