Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
