Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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