I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
