I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
