roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
