fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
