My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
