I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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