K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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