so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
