my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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