I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
