She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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