i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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