Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The uberlube is also flammable
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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