Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
