im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
there is glitter all over my balls
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