oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
