Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
