you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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