you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
