he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
