Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
