Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
