I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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