I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
