My underwear smells like fireworks.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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