Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
